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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Latest Funny Jokes

Pet Fish

A man was stopped by a game-warden in recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.

“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”

“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” the man responded.

“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.

“Call who back?” the man asked.

“The FISH”

“What fish?” the man asked.

The well behaved son

Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.

Jerry Seinfeld’s Ponderables…

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Can fat people go skinny dipping?

Why is the word “abbreviation” so long?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

If a book about failure doesn’t sell, is it a success?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Fishing Lure

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
“Let’s see your fishing license, Boy!” the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”

Joe D. Days

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Yankee Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, “Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since Joe DiMaggio played, but now my wife is dead.”

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to enjoy the game with.

“Oh no. I can.” the guy replied. “It’s just that they’re all at the funeral.”