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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Family Finances

A couple was having a discussion about family finances.

Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!”

The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.”

Latest Funny Jokes

How Do You Count Cows?

Q: What does a farmer count his cows with?

A: A Cow-culator!

Beer Vs Girls

1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer.
2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer.
3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer.
4) The colder a beer, the better.
5) You can always share a beer with your friends.
6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 a.m.
7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one.

Overworked

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:

I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes and I am adding jokes to this website!

In Fine Working Order

A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City.

It’s a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt.

A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn beneath the kilt.

“No lassie” he replies, “everything is in fine working order.”

How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?

Q: How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?

A: The knocking speeds up.