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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Farmers Date

A farmer had 3 lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up.

The first boy arrived and said: “Hi, I’m Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re going steady, is she ready?”

The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way.

The second boy arrived and said: “Hi, I’m Joe, I’m here for Flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer called Flo and she and Joe went on their way.

The third boy arrived in an old beat up pickup, came to the door and said: “Hi, I’m Chuck”

The farmer shot him.

Latest Funny Jokes

Grosser than gross.. underwear

What’s grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.

What’s grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it’s moved up three feet

Doggy Style

There were three dogs at a veternarian’s office, all of them looked sad. The first one asked the second, “Why are you here?” The dog replied, “I’m getting put to sleep because I kept peeing on my owners’ new rug.”
The first dog said, “I know how you feel — I’m getting put to sleep because I peed in my owner’s new car.” They both looked at the third dog and said, “Why are you here?” The dog sighed and said, “Well my owner likes to clean in the nude and one day she bent over and I gave her the ride of her life.”

“So you’re getting put to sleep too?” asked the other dogs. “No. I’m getting my nails clipped.”

IBM

Ideas Bring Money
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Indicision Breeds Mistakes
Inshallah Burak Ma’lesh
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Incontinent Bandolerismo Molock
Imperial Bellicose` Marauder
Impious Bacchanalian Metopolis
I’d Buy Macintosh
Imbecilic Bad Micros
Imperialisim By Marketing
Intensely Boring Machines
Interesting But Mundane
Internals By Mediocrity
Into Building Money
Industries’ Bungling Monolith
Irresponibly Behaved Multinational
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Inconsistent Business Machines
Innovation By Management
Industry Bowel Movement
I’m Being Manipulated
International Brotherhood Magicians
Intercourse Beats Mastubation
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Idealistically Backward Microcomputers
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Idle Brain Malfunction
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Impeccably Blue-Dressed Managers
Itty Bitty Machines
I’ve Been Misled
Ifs Buts Maybes
It’s Better ‘Morrow
Incompatible Blue Machines
Indigestion Bothers Me
Intersmashable Byte Manipulators
Icons Bygones My Mom’s
It Breaks Monthly
Infinitely Baffling Motives
I’m Buying Macintosh
It’s Better Manually
Imitation Burroughs Machine
Incredibly Big Monsters
Itty Bitty Mentality
Incredible Bowel Movement
I’ve Been Mesmerized
Insignificant Bothersome Machines
Its Broke Ma’am
International Bit Mangler
Increasingly Banal Management
Infernal Blue Machine
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Ill-Mannered Besotted Macrocosm
Immeasureable Bigheaded Malapert
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Insolent Bickering Mal-Der-Mer
Indecorous Boastful Mercenary
Inept Bullying Menace
Immovable Brash Monolith
Inferior Before Macintosh
Ici Beaucoup Merde
I’m Beyond Mistakes
I’ve Been Mangled
Inherently By Microsoft
Incredibly Bad Manuals
I’ll Buy Macintosh
It’s Beyond Monolithic
Install Bigger Memory
Infernal Big Mistake
Incredibly Broad Monopoly
It’s Bugging Me
Itty Bitty Mouse
I Bring Madness
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Industry’s Biggest Mistake
I Built Mine
I Broke Mine
Idiots Being Mental
I’ve Been Mauled
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Insultingq Boorish Manner
Inane Brutish Merchandizing
Infinite Budget Merchandizing
It’s Bullshit Mummery
It’s Become Monolithic
Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
I’d Be Misinforming
Idiots Became Managers
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Belligerent Marketing
Interesting Buy Mediorcre
Invented By Murphy
Insanely Better Marketing
Illustrious Busy Mice
Itty Bitty Maharishi
Illmanners Being Mandatory
It Broke Me
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
I’ve Become Magnanimous
I Blame Mathematics
Internal Byte Malefunction
Intellectually Blessed Marketers
Instant Black Market
Ibmers Bug Me
Indestructible Blue Monster
Incredibly Big Money
Indisposed Black Monday
I Believe In Money
Industry Bully Manifique
Incredibly Boring Machines
Infoworlds Best Moneymakers
International Business Manipulators
Industry’s Big Mama
Intel’s Best Merchandizer
Innovation? Bah! Marketing
I’ve Been Megamarketed
Industry’s Being Megamarketed
International Business

Three Old Ladies

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

I would Rather Have a Puppy

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I’d rather have a puppy instead!”