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Finish the start

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

Latest Funny Jokes

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. “If you love me, you’ll swallow” has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won’t mind.
8. 2 people of the same sex can have chocolate together without being called nasty names.
9. The word ‘commitment’ doesn’t scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your workmates.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate, there’s no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn’t matter; it’s always good.

The Engineer’s Love Life

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said, “I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.”

The artist said, “I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and mystery I found there.”

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?” they questioned.

The Engineer said, “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: “AH BEGORRAH! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!”

BBC News

BBC News: “Scots throw away £460 worth of food each every year”
Maybe McDonald’s should stop putting salad in their burgers.

Punishment

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Sam: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.