My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner.
Thhe French husband says to his wife “Pass the honey, honey.”
The Italian man says to his wife “Pass the sugar, sweety.”
The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife “Pass the bacon you fat pig”.
Your mama’s so stupid she tried to mail a letter with a food stamp.
What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming…
“Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!”
“This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”
“No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.