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Funny Jokes

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Fishing Lure

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
“Let’s see your fishing license, Boy!” the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Redneck Top Ten

1) You’ve ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.
2) Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.
3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women.
4) Your richest relative buys a new house — and you have to help him take the wheels off it.
5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment.
6) Your family tree does not fork.
7) You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
8) You’ve lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles.
9) You helped your cousin move his refrigerator — and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
10) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

IBM

Ideas Bring Money
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Indicision Breeds Mistakes
Inshallah Burak Ma’lesh
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Incontinent Bandolerismo Molock
Imperial Bellicose` Marauder
Impious Bacchanalian Metopolis
I’d Buy Macintosh
Imbecilic Bad Micros
Imperialisim By Marketing
Intensely Boring Machines
Interesting But Mundane
Internals By Mediocrity
Into Building Money
Industries’ Bungling Monolith
Irresponibly Behaved Multinational
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Inconsistent Business Machines
Innovation By Management
Industry Bowel Movement
I’m Being Manipulated
International Brotherhood Magicians
Intercourse Beats Mastubation
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Idealistically Backward Microcomputers
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Idle Brain Malfunction
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Impeccably Blue-Dressed Managers
Itty Bitty Machines
I’ve Been Misled
Ifs Buts Maybes
It’s Better ‘Morrow
Incompatible Blue Machines
Indigestion Bothers Me
Intersmashable Byte Manipulators
Icons Bygones My Mom’s
It Breaks Monthly
Infinitely Baffling Motives
I’m Buying Macintosh
It’s Better Manually
Imitation Burroughs Machine
Incredibly Big Monsters
Itty Bitty Mentality
Incredible Bowel Movement
I’ve Been Mesmerized
Insignificant Bothersome Machines
Its Broke Ma’am
International Bit Mangler
Increasingly Banal Management
Infernal Blue Machine
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Ill-Mannered Besotted Macrocosm
Immeasureable Bigheaded Malapert
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Insolent Bickering Mal-Der-Mer
Indecorous Boastful Mercenary
Inept Bullying Menace
Immovable Brash Monolith
Inferior Before Macintosh
Ici Beaucoup Merde
I’m Beyond Mistakes
I’ve Been Mangled
Inherently By Microsoft
Incredibly Bad Manuals
I’ll Buy Macintosh
It’s Beyond Monolithic
Install Bigger Memory
Infernal Big Mistake
Incredibly Broad Monopoly
It’s Bugging Me
Itty Bitty Mouse
I Bring Madness
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Industry’s Biggest Mistake
I Built Mine
I Broke Mine
Idiots Being Mental
I’ve Been Mauled
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Insultingq Boorish Manner
Inane Brutish Merchandizing
Infinite Budget Merchandizing
It’s Bullshit Mummery
It’s Become Monolithic
Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
I’d Be Misinforming
Idiots Became Managers
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Belligerent Marketing
Interesting Buy Mediorcre
Invented By Murphy
Insanely Better Marketing
Illustrious Busy Mice
Itty Bitty Maharishi
Illmanners Being Mandatory
It Broke Me
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
I’ve Become Magnanimous
I Blame Mathematics
Internal Byte Malefunction
Intellectually Blessed Marketers
Instant Black Market
Ibmers Bug Me
Indestructible Blue Monster
Incredibly Big Money
Indisposed Black Monday
I Believe In Money
Industry Bully Manifique
Incredibly Boring Machines
Infoworlds Best Moneymakers
International Business Manipulators
Industry’s Big Mama
Intel’s Best Merchandizer
Innovation? Bah! Marketing
I’ve Been Megamarketed
Industry’s Being Megamarketed
International Business

Stop sign

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.
“Hey, lady, did you forget how to stop?” yelled an irate man.
She rolled down her window and said, “What makes you
think these kids are all mine?”

Little Johnny in Love

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, 
“Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?” 

“I’m in love,” the boy replied. 

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?” 

“With YOU!” he said. 

“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? 
It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.” 

“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a rubber!”

Just Readin’

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn’t familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,”Good morning, Ma’am, what are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” she replies, thinking isn’t that obvious?

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“But officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you do have all the equipment.”

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.