You know
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.”
Four Fathers
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
twins!”
“What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!”
The nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of
triplets!”
“Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!”
When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to
quadruplets.
“Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!”
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask
what’s wrong.
“What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”
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Redneck Top Ten
1) You’ve ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.
2) Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.
3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women.
4) Your richest relative buys a new house — and you have to help him take the wheels off it.
5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment.
6) Your family tree does not fork.
7) You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
8) You’ve lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles.
9) You helped your cousin move his refrigerator — and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
10) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
Made In Canada
A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada, and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send em to France to get turned into a gold ring. Hey, what do you do with your used comdoms?
French man: we send em to Canada to get turned into bubble gum.
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. “If you love me, you’ll swallow” has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won’t mind.
8. 2 people of the same sex can have chocolate together without being called nasty names.
9. The word ‘commitment’ doesn’t scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your workmates.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate, there’s no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn’t matter; it’s always good.
A Moral Question
This is a completely hypothetical situation that must be answered according to your morals:
Pretend that you’re a photographer who has gone out to the Midwest to take pictures of an ongoing flood. Now as you’re wandering around looking for a good shot, you see George W. Bush in the middle of a rushing river, holding onto a thin branch so he won’t get swept away. The branch is about halfway broken, and you know it will break altogether in a matter of minutes. Now you can do one of two things: You can either rescue him or take an award-winning picture that will secure your place in photographic history.
Now for the question:
Which lens would you use?