Funny Jokes
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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Good Housekeeping

Gardner goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Gardner,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks boss,” says Gardner, “I knew I could count on you!”

Latest Funny Jokes

Coke Machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

“Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?”

She looked at him and indignantly replied: “Well Duhhh!, I’m still winning.”

Touchy Feely Cracky

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the shoulders of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell are you doing?”

“Well,” said the guy, “I”m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can”t help practicing my art!”

“That”s the stupidest thing I”ve ever heard!” the guy replied. “I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”

Change a light bulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Olmos Dunn

A man was heading to England and his next-door neighbor Mrs. Dunn had just sent her son Olmos off to England a week ago. He hadn’t called since he was there, so she asked the man to get him to call her. She knew he was staying in a big white house so she told him that.
When he arrived in England, the man asked the first person he saw for the big white house. Thinking he meant the outhouse, the Brit said, ”It is in the middle of the park.” So the man went to the park and saw a white house in the center.

He knocked on the door and said, ”Are you Olmos Dunn?”

A voice came from inside, ”Yeah, I just have to find the toilet paper.”

Ring my bell

In a house in New Jersey, the doorbell rings. The Madame (it’s one of those houses) comes to the door and answers it. There is a man with no arms and no legs on the doorstep.
“What do you want?” she asks.

“I want a woman,” he says.

“A woman? You don’t have any arms or legs. What are you going to do with a woman?”

“I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”