It was the first day of school (in US) and a new student, Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me death?’” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for that of Suzuki, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”
“Very good! Who said, “Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no response except from Suzuki: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “F—–g Japanese.” “Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982,”
At that point, a student in the back sighed, “I’m gonna puke!” The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now who said that?”
Again, Suzuki says “George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.” Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah! Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.”
What is yellow and dangerous?
Q: What is yellow and dangerous?
A: Pike infested custard.
Squealing Like A Stuck Boyfriend
A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, “Quick, go get help!”
She says, “I can’t, I’m naked.”
He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her “lower parts” and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, “Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.”
The truck driver replies, “Honey, if he’s that far gone, I don’t think we can get him out again!”
“Mommy,” Little Johnny asked, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?”
“No, dear,” she replied. “Sometimes they start with ‘Darling, I’ll be working late at the office tonight…’ “
She sends him a SMS message:
– My dear, if you sleep send me your dreams, if you laugh send me your smile, if you cry send me your tears. I love you.
– Im on latrine duty. What do you want that I send to you?