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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Gorilla Problem

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?”

“Male,” he replies.

“Oh yeah, we can do that. I’ll be right there,” he states.

An hour later, the service guy shows up with a stick, a Rottweiler, a shotgun, and a large pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. “I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, the trained Rotty will move in and savage the gorilla’s private parts. The gorilla will then cross his hands across his crotch to protect himself, and that’s when you move in with the handcuffs!”

The man goes pale and asks, “Um, okay, but what do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, “Hopefully nothing, but if I happen to fall out of the tree before the gorilla, you’ve got to shoot that Rottweiler!”

Zadnji dodani Animal Jokes

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

A: The wrong answer.

Little Nancy’s Pet

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”

3 Goats and Bubbles

There were four goats who all died on the same day and went up to the Pearly Gates. To get into Heaven, they had to tell their name and the last thing they did on Earth.

Well, the first goat walked up and said, “My name is Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he could go on in.

Then the next goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he too could go on in.

Then the third goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles.” Annoyed now, the gatekeeper said he could go on in.

Finally, the last goat walked up, and the Gatekeeper said, “Let me guess. Your name is Baa Baa Baa Baa, and you blew bubbles.”

And the goat said, “No, my name is Bubbles and I…”

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Because they have big fingers!

Pig In A Bar

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, “Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”
Then the lady answered, “Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”

And the bartender says, “Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”