What’s grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What’s grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it’s moved up three feet
What a woman says:
Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now!
What a man hears:
C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
A harried driving instructor came home from work, kicked off his shoes, and fell into a chair. “I’m thinking of taking six or seven of my students to England,” he said.
“What on earth for?” his wife asked.
“It might make them feel good to see what it’s like to drive on the left side of the road-legally.”
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are talking about the control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent.
After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, “What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?”
The third man turns to the first two and says, “Well, I’ll tell you, just the other day I had her on her knees.”
The first two men were dumbfounded.
“Wow! What happened next?” they asked.
The third man takes a healthy swig of his beer, sighs and mutters, “Then she started screaming, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!’”