A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car, asks the police officer. I’m
a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act. Oh yeah? Let’s see you do it, says the officer.
So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his
wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night at dinner, she does just that.
About a week later she`s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn`t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”
The doctor says, “I`m sorry, we didn`t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Nah,” she says, “that`s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”
There was a magic mirrior in this resturant. If you lie to the mirror you will get sucked in. A red head walks in says she thinks she’s president and gets sucked in. A strawberry blonde walks in says she thinks she is as rich as Bill Gates she gets sucked in. A blonde walks in and she says “I think…” and she gets sucked in.
Think before you speak!
This actually happened at Harvard University.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand,you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?”
“That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red, and, as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.
However, as she was going out the door, the Professor’s reply was classic.
Totally straight-faced he answered her question…
“It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day.”
The well behaved son
Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.