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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Hack Golfer

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”

The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Punishment

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Sam: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.

Honey i’m late

A woman sends her husband out to buy some escargot for a dinner party that night. Instead of going straight to the store, the husband decides to stop at a local bar. He has a few beers, and then some
more, and pretty soon he looks at his watch and finds he’s over an hour late for the dinner party. He dashes to the store, picks up the escargot, and frantically drives home. When he walks in the door
he can hear his wife coming from the kitchen. So he takes the bag of snails and quickly throws them all over the floor. When his wife walks into the room, he says, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”

Long talk

One teen-age boy to another: “My Dad had a long talk with me about girls last night. He doesn’t know anything about them, either.”

True friends and best friends

What is the difference between a true
friend and a best friend?

True friend is the person who helps
you up when you fall…. a best friend
is the person peeing in their pants on the
floor because they are the ones who tripped
you!!!

Starring Insult

If someone ever says, “What are you staring at?”

Say “I don’t know, give me a minute.”