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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Hemophiliac and Virgin

Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.

Latest Funny Jokes

Bubba’s Secret

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They get pretty drunk, and the topic turns to Bubba at the end of the bar who, as everyone knows, has the biggest dick in town. One of the guys gets enough courage to go up to Bubba and ask him why he’s got the biggest schlong around.
“Well,” says Bubba, “every night before bed, I tug on my dick and tap it on the bedpost three times.”
“That’s it?” asks the drunk.
“Yup,” says Bubba.
So the guy goes home and quietly slips into his bedroom, pulls out his thing, tugs, and taps it on the bedpost three times. Suddenly his wife wakes up and says, “Bubba, is that you?”

Honey i’m late

A woman sends her husband out to buy some escargot for a dinner party that night. Instead of going straight to the store, the husband decides to stop at a local bar. He has a few beers, and then some
more, and pretty soon he looks at his watch and finds he’s over an hour late for the dinner party. He dashes to the store, picks up the escargot, and frantically drives home. When he walks in the door
he can hear his wife coming from the kitchen. So he takes the bag of snails and quickly throws them all over the floor. When his wife walks into the room, he says, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”

Chicken Wire & Duct Tape

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”
“Roll of chicken wire.”

“What you gonna do with that?”

“Gonna catch some chickens.”

“You damn fool! You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

“Roll of duct tape.”

“What you gonna do with that?”

“Gonna catch me some ducks.”

“You damn fool! You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ”Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

“It’s a pussy willow.”

“Wait up…I’ll get my hat.”

Late To Class

Teacher: Why are you late?
Junior: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Junior: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Beer Vs Girls

1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer.
2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer.
3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer.
4) The colder a beer, the better.
5) You can always share a beer with your friends.
6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 a.m.
7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one.