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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Hemophiliac and Virgin

Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.

Latest Funny Jokes

Silly Amy

Teacher: “Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?”
Student: “No idea miss”
Teacher told angrily: “Bark, Amy”.
Amy: “Bow Wow Wow Miss”

Turn On Your Energizer Bunny

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?

He keeps coming and coming and coming…

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
‘Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?’
The girl, crying, replied, Dad… I became a prostitute.’
‘Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’
‘OK, Dad… as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’
‘What was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘A prostitute, Daddy!.’
‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

What is yellow and dangerous?

Q: What is yellow and dangerous?

A: Pike infested custard.

Brain Insult

“Add this up for me. A ton of sawdust, a ton of old newspaper, and a ton of fat. Now, have you got all that in your head?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I thought so.”