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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

How Do You Count Cows?

Q: What does a farmer count his cows with?

A: A Cow-culator!

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Magic lamp

For years, three men were stranded on a  desert island. One day, a magic lamp washed on to the beach. They rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared that granted each man a  wish. “I wish I was off this island and back with my familly,” said the first man.He disappeared. “I also wish I was off this island and back home,”said the second man. He too disappeared. The third man,looked around and feeling  lonely, looked up to the genie, “I wish my  two friends were back to keep me company.” 

Yo Mamas So Fat… Menu

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?

A: Snowballs.

Gas Men

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”

SMS

She sends him a SMS message:
– My dear, if you sleep send me your dreams, if you laugh send me your smile, if you cry send me your tears. I love you.
He answers:
– I’m on latrine duty. What do you want that I send to you?