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Funny Jokes

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It’s your turn

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?”. “I’m calling to report my neighbor. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?”

“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my lawn mowed.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Blonde Hiding

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead snuck into a farm.
The farmer said to his wife, “I think I hear something outside.”
The girls heard the door open,and they all ran in different directions.
The brunette ran into the cow pen. The redhead ran into the pig pen, and the blonde ran into the potato patch.
The farmer went to the cow pen and said,”Is there anyone there?” The brunette said,”Mmmmmmmoooooo.”
Then he went over to the pig pen and the farmer said, “Is there anyone there?” and the redhead said, “Oink oink.”
Then he went over to the potato patch and said, “Is there anyone there?” and the blonde said, “Potatooooo.”

Smart Sex

Why are men so smart during sex?

Cause they’re plugged into a genius!

Traffic Stop

1st Officer: “Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?”
2nd Officer: “Who?”
1st Officer: “Janet Jackson!”
2nd Officer: “What she do, was she speeding?”
1st Officer: “Nah, she had one headlight out.”

The Big Barbeque

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.

The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill, then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom. “Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!” The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband was feeling a little frisky. He made some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

Out of T.P.

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, ”He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.” By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
She says, ”You’re sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender says, ”Yes, I’m very sure.”

The lady says, ”Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”