Funny Jokes

Late To Class

Teacher: Why are you late?
Junior: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Junior: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Oldest Profession

A doctor, an engineer and an attorney were discussing which of them belonged to the oldest of the three professions they represented.

The doctor said, “On the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and created Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “Ah, but before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, thus making Him the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”

“Yes,” the lawyer said, “but just who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

Grosser than gross.. underwear

What’s grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.

What’s grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it’s moved up three feet

Family Finances

A couple was having a discussion about family finances.

Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!”

The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.”

Airline Food

I was on a flight to Hong Kong once. The flight would be seven hours long, so I decided to get some shuteye. I was soon awakened by the stewardess, who asked me if I would like some dinner. I said, “What are my choices?”

And she said, “Yes or no.”