Funny Jokes
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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Learn To Speak Chinese

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao

Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high – No Bai Dam Thing

Did you go to the beach – Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift – Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here – Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? – Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet – Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. – No Pah King

You are not very bright – Yu So Dum

I got this for free – Ai No Pei

I am not guilty – Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer – Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled for next week – Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight – Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile – Wa Shing Ka

Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?

Latest Funny Jokes

Where’s My Pajamas?

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”
“Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”
“Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box.”

Shaky Arms Hotel

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed… just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

“Look… lie here on the bed — you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”

So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. “What,” he says, “are you doing here?”

The manager calmly replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”

Traditional Service

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding.

When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. “Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.

“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”

Stolen credit card

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A Drunks Dog

A drunk takes his dog for a walk. After awhile he gets thirsty so he ties his dog to a parking meter in front of a bar and goes in for a couple of beers.
After he has been there for an hour or so the local policeman enters the bar,”Whose dog is tied up out front?”
The drunk responds, “That’s my dog. Is there a problem officer?”
“Well she’s in heat,” says the cop.”
“Oh, she’ll be all right. It’s shady out there.”
“That’s not what I mean. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“I gave her a half of a loaf this morning. She’s fine.”
At this point the policeman is becoming a little upset. “Listen buddy! You don’t seem to understand what I am talking about. That dog wants to mate.”
“Oh, go right ahead officer, I’ve always wanted a police dog.”