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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Little Johnny in Love

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, 
“Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?” 

“I’m in love,” the boy replied. 

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?” 

“With YOU!” he said. 

“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? 
It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.” 

“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a rubber!”

Latest Funny Jokes

Lost in the baloon

Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.

So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer. “Could you tell us where we are?”

“You are in a balloon.”

So the one pilot to the other:

“The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an economist”

“Then you must be businessmen”, answers the man.

“That’s right! How did you know?”

“You have such a good view from where you are and yet you don’t know where you are!”

Most obedient

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked,
“Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?”
In one voice they all replied, “You, Daddy!”

Squealing Like A Stuck Boyfriend

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, “Quick, go get help!”
She says, “I can’t, I’m naked.”

He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her “lower parts” and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, “Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.”

The truck driver replies, “Honey, if he’s that far gone, I don’t think we can get him out again!”

$5 Prostitute

Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees this and calls out: “Fifty dollars!” He is tempted, but the price is a little high. So he calls back: “Five!” She is disappointed and turns away and Bill continues his jog.

A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she want not come down on her price. “Fifty!” she shouts and Bill answers her: “Five!” No sale.

About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells: “See what you get for five dollars!”

Ring my bell

In a house in New Jersey, the doorbell rings. The Madame (it’s one of those houses) comes to the door and answers it. There is a man with no arms and no legs on the doorstep.
“What do you want?” she asks.

“I want a woman,” he says.

“A woman? You don’t have any arms or legs. What are you going to do with a woman?”

“I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”