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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Lost in the baloon

Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.

So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer. “Could you tell us where we are?”

“You are in a balloon.”

So the one pilot to the other:

“The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an economist”

“Then you must be businessmen”, answers the man.

“That’s right! How did you know?”

“You have such a good view from where you are and yet you don’t know where you are!”

Latest Funny Jokes

Joe D. Days

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Yankee Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, “Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since Joe DiMaggio played, but now my wife is dead.”

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to enjoy the game with.

“Oh no. I can.” the guy replied. “It’s just that they’re all at the funeral.”

How Do You Like That

A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, “Are you my daddy?” The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram. The baby says again, “Are you my daddy?” The doctor says, “No, I’m not your father.”
They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked, “Are you my daddy?” And the father says, “Yes, I am!” So, the baby pops out of the mother’s womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying, “How do you like that?! How do you like that?!”

Hearing Vs. Listening

What a woman says:

Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now!

What a man hears:

C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

Late To Class

Teacher: Why are you late?
Junior: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Junior: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.