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Funny Jokes

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Lost my testicles

A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer.

“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.

“Did you see any active duty?”

“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”

“May I ask what happened?”

“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”

“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”

The man asked, “When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”

“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”

Lost my testicles

A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer.

“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.

“Did you see any active duty?”

“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”

“May I ask what happened?”

“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”

“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”

The man asked, “When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”

“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Touchy Feely Cracky

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the shoulders of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell are you doing?”

“Well,” said the guy, “I”m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can”t help practicing my art!”

“That”s the stupidest thing I”ve ever heard!” the guy replied. “I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”

Very large Bic cigarette lighter

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter…where did you get it?”

“A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”

“Sure.”

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish says the genie.”

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”

“Done” says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12″ Bic?”

Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Olmos Dunn

A man was heading to England and his next-door neighbor Mrs. Dunn had just sent her son Olmos off to England a week ago. He hadn’t called since he was there, so she asked the man to get him to call her. She knew he was staying in a big white house so she told him that.
When he arrived in England, the man asked the first person he saw for the big white house. Thinking he meant the outhouse, the Brit said, ”It is in the middle of the park.” So the man went to the park and saw a white house in the center.

He knocked on the door and said, ”Are you Olmos Dunn?”

A voice came from inside, ”Yeah, I just have to find the toilet paper.”

Bear Chase

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, “What are you doing?”

He says, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll jump down and make a run for it.”

The second guy says, “Are you crazy? You can’t outrun a bear.”

The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you.”