Axe in Head
Teacher: ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ? ”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in his hand. “
Magic lamp
For years, three men were stranded on a desert island. One day, a magic lamp washed on to the beach. They rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared that granted each man a wish. “I wish I was off this island and back with my familly,” said the first man.He disappeared. “I also wish I was off this island and back home,”said the second man. He too disappeared. The third man,looked around and feeling lonely, looked up to the genie, “I wish my two friends were back to keep me company.”
Jokes by Category
Latest Funny Jokes
Good Housekeeping
Gardner goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Gardner,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks boss,” says Gardner, “I knew I could count on you!”
Cow Bells
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Starring Insult
If someone ever says, “What are you staring at?”
Say “I don’t know, give me a minute.”
Doggy Style
There were three dogs at a veternarian’s office, all of them looked sad. The first one asked the second, “Why are you here?” The dog replied, “I’m getting put to sleep because I kept peeing on my owners’ new rug.”
The first dog said, “I know how you feel — I’m getting put to sleep because I peed in my owner’s new car.” They both looked at the third dog and said, “Why are you here?” The dog sighed and said, “Well my owner likes to clean in the nude and one day she bent over and I gave her the ride of her life.”
“So you’re getting put to sleep too?” asked the other dogs. “No. I’m getting my nails clipped.”