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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Months of the year

Teacher: What is the first month?
Student: January
Teacher: What is the second month?
Student: February
Teacher: What is the tenth month?
Student: Delivery

Latest Funny Jokes

The Dark Side of the Force

The Dark Side of the Force lies in your shorts, where the sun never shines!

Will prescription

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”

Three Old Ladies

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

Oldest Profession

A doctor, an engineer and an attorney were discussing which of them belonged to the oldest of the three professions they represented.

The doctor said, “On the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and created Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “Ah, but before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, thus making Him the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”

“Yes,” the lawyer said, “but just who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

Four Catholic Women

Four Catholic women were having tea one afternoon. One of the women placed her cup down and started a conversation.

“Ladies, my son became a priest last week. When he walks into a room, people call him ‘FATHER'”

The second Catholic lady then placed her cup down and looked at the first lady. “Well, my son has been a bishop for a few months now. When he walks into the room, people say ‘YOUR GRACE'”

The third Catholic lady places her cup down and shakes her head. “You ladies are so silly! My son has been a cardinal for years! When he walks into the room, people say ‘YOUR EMINENCE!'”

The last Catholic woman remained quiet, pretending to be uninterested in their conversations. The other three looked at her and asked “Well …?”

The last woman placed her cup down and looked at the other three. “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard-bodied stripper. Then HE walks into a room, people scream ‘OH MY GOD!'”