Kiss Me I’m Blonde
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop!
Pharmacy
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”
He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, then so does she.”
Jokes by Category
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Father Christmas resting
What’s Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
Santa pause!
Punishment
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Sam: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.
Drinking
Two drunks are making conversation at the bar:
-Tell me, how does your wife reacts when you come home drunk?
– I’m not married!
– And why are you drinking?
Kangaphant
What do you get when you cross an elephant and kangaroo together?
Giant holes all over Africa!