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Politician and Scientist

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. “Excuse me… can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman replied, “You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a Scientist,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” said the woman.

“How did you know?”

“Well”, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The woman below responded. “You must be a politician.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you > expect me to solve your problem.”

She continued after a moment of silence: “The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

Latest Funny Jokes

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?

A: A snowmobile!

2 men on an ladder

“Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!”
“This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”
“No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

Four Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labour.

The nurse tells the first man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
twins!”

“What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!”

The nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of
triplets!”

“Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!”

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to
quadruplets.

“Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!”

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask
what’s wrong.

“What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”

Rigged Contest

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant.
“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free sex.”
“Okay,” agreed one of the guys, “I guess seven.”
“Sorry, I was thinking of eight,” replied the attendant.
The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.
“Two!” said the second guy.
“Sorry, it’s three, said the attendant. “Come back and try again.”
As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, “I think this contest is rigged.”
“No way,” said his buddy. “My wife won twice last week.”