Couple Night Out
A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner.
Thhe French husband says to his wife “Pass the honey, honey.”
The Italian man says to his wife “Pass the sugar, sweety.”
The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife “Pass the bacon you fat pig”.
Stoopid Baby Names
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”
The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”
The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,
“Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.” The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”
The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Fridge.”
3 Wishes for a Cowboy
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot- I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”
The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted,
“My God, I was riding the mare!”
Change a light bulb
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
A policemen stops a car.
Driver, “Is anything wrong, officer?”
Policeman, “No, we just wanted to reward you for being the 100.000th car driving on this new highway.”
Driver, “Thank God! I thought you are going to ask me for my driving license, ’cause I don’t have one, you know…”
Driver’s Wife, “Don’t belive him anything he says. He’s completely drunk!”
Grandpa on the back seat, “I knew we won’t come far with this stolen car!”
Sonny from the trunk, “Have we crossed the border, yet?”