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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Psychiatrists Meeting Joke

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them got together after to chat
about the convention. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their
guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear
each other out?”

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients
out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them
for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I
try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Zadnji dodani Funny Jokes

Cow Disease

Q: Why can’t men get mad cow disease?

A: Because they’re pigs.

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
‘Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?’
The girl, crying, replied, Dad… I became a prostitute.’
‘Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’
‘OK, Dad… as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’
‘What was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘A prostitute, Daddy!.’
‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Gangster family

A policemen stops a car.
Driver, “Is anything wrong, officer?”
Policeman, “No, we just wanted to reward you for being the 100.000th car driving on this new highway.”
Driver, “Thank God! I thought you are going to ask me for my driving license, ’cause I don’t have one, you know…”
Driver’s Wife, “Don’t belive him anything he says. He’s completely drunk!”
Grandpa on the back seat, “I knew we won’t come far with this stolen car!”
Sonny from the trunk, “Have we crossed the border, yet?”

Ring my bell

In a house in New Jersey, the doorbell rings. The Madame (it’s one of those houses) comes to the door and answers it. There is a man with no arms and no legs on the doorstep.
“What do you want?” she asks.

“I want a woman,” he says.

“A woman? You don’t have any arms or legs. What are you going to do with a woman?”

“I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

A Relative Term

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?