Who keeps the ocean clean?
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Psychiatrists Meeting Joke
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them got together after to chat
about the convention. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their
guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”
Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear
each other out?”
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”
The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients
out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”
The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them
for me.”
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I
try, I can’t keep a secret…”
Jokes by Category
Latest Funny Jokes
Tips for marriage
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant for good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.
2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in California.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time,” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. When we go to the shopping mall, we always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because she thought there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She said, “In the lake.”
7. Before you take the leap into matrimony, remember this: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
8. In fact, statistically 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage.
9. As for myself, I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
10. I haven’t spoken to my wife in almost a year. I don’t like to interrupt her.
11. I’ll admit the last fuss we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I answered, “Dust!”
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A: A snowmobile!
The well behaved son
Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.
Bubba’s Secret
A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They get pretty drunk, and the topic turns to Bubba at the end of the bar who, as everyone knows, has the biggest dick in town. One of the guys gets enough courage to go up to Bubba and ask him why he’s got the biggest schlong around.
“Well,” says Bubba, “every night before bed, I tug on my dick and tap it on the bedpost three times.”
“That’s it?” asks the drunk.
“Yup,” says Bubba.
So the guy goes home and quietly slips into his bedroom, pulls out his thing, tugs, and taps it on the bedpost three times. Suddenly his wife wakes up and says, “Bubba, is that you?”