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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Psychiatrists Meeting Joke

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them got together after to chat
about the convention. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their
guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear
each other out?”

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients
out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them
for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I
try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Latest Funny Jokes

Change a light bulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

The Engineer and the Bike

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t

BBC News

BBC News: “Scots throw away £460 worth of food each every year”
Maybe McDonald’s should stop putting salad in their burgers.

Turn On Your Energizer Bunny

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?

He keeps coming and coming and coming…

Bright Side

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “It could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”
“That’s awful,” said Frank, “But it could have been worse.”

“How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “Could it have been worse?”
“Well,” replied Frank, “If it happened the night before, I’d be dead now!”