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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Punishment

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Sam: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.

Latest Funny Jokes

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?

A: Snowballs.

Show the map again!

A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says “Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fiber of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen.”

“OK”, the dude says, “tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blow job I’ve ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!!”

The Genie shakes his head and says “LET ME SEE THAT MAP AGAIN!”

Cow Bells

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

Viagra for Gramps

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, “Where are you going ?”

He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”

And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”

“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”

She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”

He said, “Why?”

She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”

Doctor and Patient

Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

Wife: The doctor has come to see you.
Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won’t be able to see anyone.

Patient to his friend: The nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. She touched me and my fever got cured immediately.
Friend: Yeah, I could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.