Three Old Ladies
Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”
The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”
The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”
Shopping More Interesting
Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone,’I think we have a code 3 in housewares,’ and see what happens.
5. Put a box of Smarties on lay-away.
6. Move ‘CAUTION WET FLOOR’ signs to carpetted areas.
7. Set up a tent in the sports section; tell others you’ll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why won’t you people leave me alone?’
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the sports section, ask the clerk if the gun comes with anti depressant prescriptions?
11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again’.
15. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ……’Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!
On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim that a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-clattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, in incident they say has been covered up by the government. On march 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. That clears up a lot of things.
A Relative Term
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Learn To Speak Chinese
Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high – No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach – Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift – Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here – Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? – Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet – Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. – No Pah King
You are not very bright – Yu So Dum
I got this for free – Ai No Pei
I am not guilty – Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer – Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week – Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight – Lei Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile – Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?