Vici in šale
Send a Joke

Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Shopping More Interesting

Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone,’I think we have a code 3 in housewares,’ and see what happens.

5. Put a box of Smarties on lay-away.

6. Move ‘CAUTION WET FLOOR’ signs to carpetted areas.

7. Set up a tent in the sports section; tell others you’ll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why won’t you people leave me alone?’

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the sports section, ask the clerk if the gun comes with anti depressant prescriptions?

11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again’.

15. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ……’Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!

Zadnji dodani Funny Jokes

Guide to Safe Fax

Q: DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE SAFE FAX?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q: MY PARENTS SAY THEY NEVER HAD FAX WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE MEMOS TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY WERE TWENTYONE. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BE BEFORE THEY CAN FAX?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure.

Q: IF I FAX MYSELF, WILL I GO BLIND?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.

Q: THERE IS A PLACE ON OUR STREET WHERE YOU CAN GO AND PAY FOR FAX. IS THIS LEGAL?
A: Yes. many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and Must pay a “professional” when their needs to fax become too great.

Q: SHOULD A COVER ALWAYS BE USED FOR FAXING?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you’re faxing, a cover sheet should be used to insure safe fax.

Q: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I INCORRECTLY DO THE PROCEDURE AND I FAX PREMATURELY?
A: Don’t panic. Many people prematurely fax when they haven’t faxed in a long time. Just start Over; Most people won’t mind if you try again.

Q: I HAVE A PERSONAL AND BUSINESS FAX. CAN TRANSMISSIONS BECOME MIXED UP?
A: Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won’t transmit anything You’re not supposed to.

Blind Skydiver

A blind man was describing his favorite sport – skydiving. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump,” he said. “My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground,” he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.

He quickly answered, “Oh, my dog’s leash goes slack.”

Jerry Seinfeld’s Ponderables…

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Can fat people go skinny dipping?

Why is the word “abbreviation” so long?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

If a book about failure doesn’t sell, is it a success?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Olmos Dunn

A man was heading to England and his next-door neighbor Mrs. Dunn had just sent her son Olmos off to England a week ago. He hadn’t called since he was there, so she asked the man to get him to call her. She knew he was staying in a big white house so she told him that.
When he arrived in England, the man asked the first person he saw for the big white house. Thinking he meant the outhouse, the Brit said, ”It is in the middle of the park.” So the man went to the park and saw a white house in the center.

He knocked on the door and said, ”Are you Olmos Dunn?”

A voice came from inside, ”Yeah, I just have to find the toilet paper.”

PSST…

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.

“Dead,” she was informed.

“How do you know?”, she asked.

“Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move,” said the child innocently.

“You did WHAT?!?”, the teacher squealed in surprise.

“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssst’ and he didn’t move.”