Sign in the restroom, above the urinal:
We know you’re in the rush
But please, don’t forget to flush.
This inspired me to a new verse:
Feel the bliss,
As you piss.
In that peace,
Flush it, please.
The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,
“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”
Q: What does a farmer count his cows with?
A: A Cow-culator!
Sam is very self-conscious about his bald head and his wooden leg, so when he receives an invitation to a Halloween Ball, he wants to wear a costume that will hide or minimize both. He dashes off a note to Brooks Brothers, explaining his need and his concerns, and in a few days receives a package with the following note.
“Dear Sir: Enclosed is a pirate costume. The red handkerchief will cover your bald head, and your wooden leg will look like part of the costume.”
Sam is furious with their ‘solution’, and returns the parcel, saying he is trying to HIDE his peg leg…not call attention to it.
The next week, he receives a second package and a note:
“Dear Sir: We apologize if we appeared insensitive to your concern.
Enclosed is a monk’s habit. The long robe will hide your leg, and your bald head will look to be part of your costume.”
Enraged, Sam returns the costume with a nasty note, saying they are idiots for calling attention to his bald head.
The following day, he receives a small parcel by courier with a note which reads:
“Dear Sir: Enclosed is a jar of caramel. Pour it over your bald head,
stick your peg leg up your ass, and go as a candy apple.”
Teacher: ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ? ”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in his hand. “
Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high – No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach – Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift – Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here – Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? – Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet – Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. – No Pah King
You are not very bright – Yu So Dum
I got this for free – Ai No Pei
I am not guilty – Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer – Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week – Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight – Lei Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile – Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?