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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Squealing Like A Stuck Boyfriend

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, “Quick, go get help!”
She says, “I can’t, I’m naked.”

He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her “lower parts” and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, “Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.”

The truck driver replies, “Honey, if he’s that far gone, I don’t think we can get him out again!”

Latest Funny Jokes

This Place Stinks

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?”

“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

Laundry Joke

Man: I’m taking some of my old clothes to the charity shop.
Wife: Well I hope you’ve been to the launderettes, you can’t hand them in all smelly.
Man: Yes, I’ve had them washed and ironed.
Wife: I wasn’t talking about the clothes!

Three Drunk Women

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.

The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks”.

To which the second gal replied, “You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

And the third proclaimed, “I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!”

They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: “Ladies, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

Four Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labour.

The nurse tells the first man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
twins!”

“What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!”

The nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of
triplets!”

“Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!”

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to
quadruplets.

“Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!”

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask
what’s wrong.

“What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”

Childrens Games

A little boy runs into his house and asks, “Mom, can little girs have babies?”
The mom answers, “No, of course not.” The little boy runs outside, yelling, “It’s ok, we can play the game again!”