Funny Jokes
Send a Joke

Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
‘Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?’
The girl, crying, replied, Dad… I became a prostitute.’
‘Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’
‘OK, Dad… as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’
‘What was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘A prostitute, Daddy!.’
‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Latest Funny Jokes

Redneck Top Ten

1) You’ve ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.
2) Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.
3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women.
4) Your richest relative buys a new house — and you have to help him take the wheels off it.
5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment.
6) Your family tree does not fork.
7) You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
8) You’ve lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles.
9) You helped your cousin move his refrigerator — and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
10) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

Friend from planet Zog!

(From the movie “Bean”):
“You didn’t tell me that you will bring your friend from planet Zog!”
*points at Mr. Bean*
*Mr. Bean looks behind himself*

Black Eyes

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.
“What happened, my child?”

“I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye.”

“Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?”

“Well, I thought I’d done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back.”

Search and Destroy

What is the thing that you keep on looking for and when you find it you throw it away?

A booger.

10 reasons why latinos can’t be terrorist

10. 8:45am is too early for us to be up. 
9. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights. 
8. Pretty people on the plane distract us. 
7. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves. 
6. Food and drinks were on the plane. 
5. We talk with our hands, we would have put our weapons down. 
4. We would all want to fly the plane. 
3. We would argue and start a fight in the plane. 
2. We would have told everyone a week before doing it. 
1. We would have put our countries flag on the windshield.