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Tickets Please

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

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Barrel

A bunch of guys are sailing across the ocean. It’s been a few days out at sea and already one guy starts getting horny, so he goes to the captain and asks what he should do. The captain tells him, “There’s a barrel over there with a hole in it. We just use that.”

The guy decides that’s a pretty good idea, so he goes over to the barrel and starts humping it. Much to his surprise, he enjoys the act thoroughly, so when he’s done he goes over to his captain. “Man,” he says, “that was exactly what I needed! Is there a limit on how often I can do that?”

The captain replies, “Any time other than Tuesdays.”

The guy asks, “Why not Tuesdays?”

The captain says, “’Cause that’s your day in the barrel!”

Call on an Expert

Little Johnny was playing with his father’s wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion.

Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out.

Everyone was amazed, the father said “You must be an expert!”

The man replied, “No sir I’m just a tax collector.”

More Fun With Actors

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1) One. They hate to share the spotlight.
2) One to change it, and 99 to stand there saying, “I could have done it better.”
3) Just one. He stands there, and the world revolves around him.
4) That depends on what the script says.
5) He just holds it, and the world revolves around him.
6) Doesn’t the stage manager do that?
7) Well, first I have to know the lightbulb’s motivation…
8) How many straight actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them.

How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?

Q: How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?

A: The knocking speeds up.

He Broke The Bowl

A traveler asked a boy can you bring me water?
Child asked would you like to take yoghurt? Traveler said: “Sure it’s good!”
Then the child brought four glass of yoghurt and the traveler drank all and then asked: “No one at your home likes yoghurt?”
Child said: “Yes they like but today a frog fell in the yoghurt bowl, that’s why no one dare to taste it!”
Traveler broke the bowl and yelled at the child, Child also screamed and asked his mother, “Mom, he broke the bowl in which our youngest one used to pees”.