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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Tiny Headed Man

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar, drinking, when the bartender asked him why his head was so small. The man sighed.
“I was walking along the beach one day and happened upon a lamp. A beautiful genie came out of the lamp and said that she would grant me 3 wishes. First, I wished for all the money in the world. Then I wished for the biggest mansion in all the world.”
“Yeah?”

“And then I wished for a little head.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Out of T.P.

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, ”He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.” By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
She says, ”You’re sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender says, ”Yes, I’m very sure.”

The lady says, ”Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”

Take Off My Clothes

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me never to wear her clothes again.

Smart Sex

Why are men so smart during sex?

Cause they’re plugged into a genius!

Little Johnny in Love

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, 
“Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?” 

“I’m in love,” the boy replied. 

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?” 

“With YOU!” he said. 

“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? 
It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.” 

“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a rubber!”

A Blonde Brain

A guy goes online looking for brains. He sees a red head brain for $2,000, a brunette brain for $1,000, and a blonde brain for $6,000.
The guy asks his friend why the blonde brain is so much and his friend said, “Because it’s never been used.”