Old Lady Makes Bet
A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it’s a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, “I make bets.”
The president replies, “Bets? What kind of bets?” and she says, “For example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“Ha!” says the president, “That’s a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet.”
The old lady says, “So, would you like to take my bet?”
“Sure,” says the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”
The little old lady says, “OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?”
“Sure,” says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president’s balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.
The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.
“Well, OK” says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, “What is wrong with your lawyer?”
She replies, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I’d have The Bank of America’s president’s balls in my hands!”
There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats. The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, and put his hat over her left breast. The second guy was a Elliot fan, and put it over her right breast!! The last guy was a Gordon fan, and put his hat over her crotch.
When the police arrived, the officer looks at the girl and goes to evaluate. He first picks up the Earnhardt hat, puts it back down and writes something down. He does the same with the Elliot hat. Then he picks up the Gordon hat and puts it down then picks it up again. He does this several times until the Gordon fan says, “What are you? Some kind of pervert?”
The officer replies, “No, I just usually find an asshole under one of these hats.”
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
“What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!”
The nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of
“Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!”
When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to
“Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!”
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask
“What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”
The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @
The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @
The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”
The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?”
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are talking about the control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent.
After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, “What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?”
The third man turns to the first two and says, “Well, I’ll tell you, just the other day I had her on her knees.”
The first two men were dumbfounded.
“Wow! What happened next?” they asked.
The third man takes a healthy swig of his beer, sighs and mutters, “Then she started screaming, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!’”