Funny Jokes
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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

A: Claustrophobic.

Latest Funny Jokes

The Painter & Her Eyesight

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor’s office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor’s office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, ”What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?”

”Thank God I’m not a gynecologist.”

Three Old Ladies

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

Change a light bulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Months of the year

Teacher: What is the first month?
Student: January
Teacher: What is the second month?
Student: February
Teacher: What is the tenth month?
Student: Delivery

Finish the start

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.