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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Who keeps the ocean clean?

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.

Latest Funny Jokes

IBM

Ideas Bring Money
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Indicision Breeds Mistakes
Inshallah Burak Ma’lesh
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Incontinent Bandolerismo Molock
Imperial Bellicose` Marauder
Impious Bacchanalian Metopolis
I’d Buy Macintosh
Imbecilic Bad Micros
Imperialisim By Marketing
Intensely Boring Machines
Interesting But Mundane
Internals By Mediocrity
Into Building Money
Industries’ Bungling Monolith
Irresponibly Behaved Multinational
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Inconsistent Business Machines
Innovation By Management
Industry Bowel Movement
I’m Being Manipulated
International Brotherhood Magicians
Intercourse Beats Mastubation
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Idealistically Backward Microcomputers
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Idle Brain Malfunction
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Impeccably Blue-Dressed Managers
Itty Bitty Machines
I’ve Been Misled
Ifs Buts Maybes
It’s Better ‘Morrow
Incompatible Blue Machines
Indigestion Bothers Me
Intersmashable Byte Manipulators
Icons Bygones My Mom’s
It Breaks Monthly
Infinitely Baffling Motives
I’m Buying Macintosh
It’s Better Manually
Imitation Burroughs Machine
Incredibly Big Monsters
Itty Bitty Mentality
Incredible Bowel Movement
I’ve Been Mesmerized
Insignificant Bothersome Machines
Its Broke Ma’am
International Bit Mangler
Increasingly Banal Management
Infernal Blue Machine
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Ill-Mannered Besotted Macrocosm
Immeasureable Bigheaded Malapert
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Insolent Bickering Mal-Der-Mer
Indecorous Boastful Mercenary
Inept Bullying Menace
Immovable Brash Monolith
Inferior Before Macintosh
Ici Beaucoup Merde
I’m Beyond Mistakes
I’ve Been Mangled
Inherently By Microsoft
Incredibly Bad Manuals
I’ll Buy Macintosh
It’s Beyond Monolithic
Install Bigger Memory
Infernal Big Mistake
Incredibly Broad Monopoly
It’s Bugging Me
Itty Bitty Mouse
I Bring Madness
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Industry’s Biggest Mistake
I Built Mine
I Broke Mine
Idiots Being Mental
I’ve Been Mauled
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Insultingq Boorish Manner
Inane Brutish Merchandizing
Infinite Budget Merchandizing
It’s Bullshit Mummery
It’s Become Monolithic
Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
I’d Be Misinforming
Idiots Became Managers
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Belligerent Marketing
Interesting Buy Mediorcre
Invented By Murphy
Insanely Better Marketing
Illustrious Busy Mice
Itty Bitty Maharishi
Illmanners Being Mandatory
It Broke Me
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
I’ve Become Magnanimous
I Blame Mathematics
Internal Byte Malefunction
Intellectually Blessed Marketers
Instant Black Market
Ibmers Bug Me
Indestructible Blue Monster
Incredibly Big Money
Indisposed Black Monday
I Believe In Money
Industry Bully Manifique
Incredibly Boring Machines
Infoworlds Best Moneymakers
International Business Manipulators
Industry’s Big Mama
Intel’s Best Merchandizer
Innovation? Bah! Marketing
I’ve Been Megamarketed
Industry’s Being Megamarketed
International Business

Old Lady Makes Bet

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it’s a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, “I make bets.”

The president replies, “Bets? What kind of bets?” and she says, “For example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”

“Ha!” says the president, “That’s a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet.”

The old lady says, “So, would you like to take my bet?”

“Sure,” says the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”

The little old lady says, “OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?”

“Sure,” says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president’s balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

“Well, OK” says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, “What is wrong with your lawyer?”

She replies, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I’d have The Bank of America’s president’s balls in my hands!”

It’s your turn

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?”. “I’m calling to report my neighbor. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?”

“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my lawn mowed.”

Tips for marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant for good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.

2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in California.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time,” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. When we go to the shopping mall, we always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because she thought there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She said, “In the lake.”

7. Before you take the leap into matrimony, remember this: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

8. In fact, statistically 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage.

9. As for myself, I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

10. I haven’t spoken to my wife in almost a year. I don’t like to interrupt her.

11. I’ll admit the last fuss we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I answered, “Dust!”

He Broke The Bowl

A traveler asked a boy can you bring me water?
Child asked would you like to take yoghurt? Traveler said: “Sure it’s good!”
Then the child brought four glass of yoghurt and the traveler drank all and then asked: “No one at your home likes yoghurt?”
Child said: “Yes they like but today a frog fell in the yoghurt bowl, that’s why no one dare to taste it!”
Traveler broke the bowl and yelled at the child, Child also screamed and asked his mother, “Mom, he broke the bowl in which our youngest one used to pees”.