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The largest collection of jokes.

Will prescription

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”

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Yo Mama so Fat

Yo mama’s so fat her belt size is the equator!
Yo mama is so fat she doesen’t use a fork she uses a forklift.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat her nickname is “Lardo”.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat we’re in her right now.
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her.
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and people run around yelling “Free Willy!”
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat when she wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “Okay!”
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”

Pig In A Bar

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, “Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”
Then the lady answered, “Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”

And the bartender says, “Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”

Hemophiliac and Virgin

Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.

2 men on an ladder

“Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!”
“This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”
“No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

Strong Pills

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night at dinner, she does just that.

About a week later she`s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn`t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor says, “I`m sorry, we didn`t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Nah,” she says, “that`s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”