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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Yo mamma is so fat

She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.

Latest

Fish Smoking

What does a fish smoke?

Sea weed

Why do Irish golfers never finish the game?

Why do Irish golfers never finish the game?

They refuse to leave the green.

Four Dads Playing Golf

Four dads were having a game of golf with their sons. While the sons were ahead on the next hole, the dads started to talk about how well their sons were doing.

The first dad said, “My son is doing great in the garage building business. He’s doing so well that he gave a friend a new garage!”

The second dad said, “That’s nothing. My son has his own car business. And he’s done so well that he gave a new car to one of his friends.”

The third dad said, “My son has topped both of yours. My son has self-owned housing business. He has done so well in the past year that he had enough to give a house to a friend.”

The fourth dad didn’t say anything. One of the other three asked him, How is your son doing?” The fourth dad said, “Well, I still don’t like how my son is gay and has no work. But he is doing quite well. He’s received a new house, a new garage, and a new car.”

Some Halloween Quickies

Why did the ghost cry?
Because he had a BOO BOO.
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What lives on the beach, rides a broom and casts spells?
A Sandwitch.
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Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because airplanes are too big to sit on.
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Why did the pirate put a pumpkin on his eye?
Because he wanted a pumpkin patch.
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What do you get when you cross a pig with the devil?
Deviled Ham
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What do ghosts ride at amusement parks?
The roller ghoster.
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What did one angry skeleton say to another?
I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
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What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or Tweet.
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Why didn’t the skeleton go trick-or-treating?
Because he didn’t have any guts.
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Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have any guts.
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Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
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What do people in West Viginia do on Halloween?
Pump-kin!
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Why didn’t the witch have any kids?
Her husband had crystal balls and a hollow-weenie
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Did you hear about the Agoraphobic Homosexual Witch?
She was afraid to come out of the broom closet.
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Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!
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What was the witches’ favorite subject in school?
Spelling
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Blonde Goes to School

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, “We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl asked.

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy Mommy!” she yelled, “We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m Blonde, Mommy?”

“No Honey, Its because you’re 24.”