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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Yo Mamma Like

YO MOMMA LIKE…

potato chips–Fri-to Lay.

a screen door, after a couple bangs, she tends to loosen up.

the pillsbury doughboy – everyone gets a poke.

a doorknob, everybody gets a turn.

a bus, 50 cents and she ready to ride.

a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one.

the railway system, she gets laid all over the country.

a tomato sauce bottle, everyone get a squeeze outta her.

a shotgun, one cock and she blows.

a hardware store, 4 cents a screw.

a Dimino’s pizza, somethin’ for nothin’.

a refrigerador, everyone likes to put their meat in her.

cake mix, 15 servings per package.

a rifle, four cocks and she’s full.

a bowoling ball, she picked up, fingered, then thrown in the gutter.

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day.

a Toyota, “Oh, what a feelin’!”

Orange Crush crush, “Good vibrations.”

a bubble-gum machine, 25 cents a blow.

chinese food, sweet sour, and cheap.

a vacuum cleaner, a real good suck.

Latest

Puzzle Pieces

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, “61 days 61 days!” The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, “Why are you chanting 61 days?”

One of the three answer, “Because the box said 3-6 years!”

Blondes and Waterskiing

Why can you not teach blondes to waterski?

When they get wet, they roll over on their backs!

Archer and a gift wrapper

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

Miracles

MIRACLES

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Sign in the restroom

Sign in the restroom, above the urinal:
We know you’re in the rush
But please, don’t forget to flush.

This inspired me to a new verse:
Feel the bliss,
As you piss.
In that peace,
Flush it, please.