Yellow Teeth
Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow when she spits she spits butter.
Yo Mamma So Dumb
YO MOMMA’S SO DUMB…
she thought an “E” on your report card meant excellent and an “F” meant fantastic!
she thinks 2+2=22
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she tried to M&M;’s in alphabetical order.
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
she thought General Motors was in the army.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
under “education” on her jop application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”
she tried to drown a fish.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice container because it said “Concentrate.”
she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
they had to burn the school down to get her outta 3rd grade.
at the bottom of the applicatione where it says “sign here”, she wrote “Sagittarius.”
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
it takes her two hours to watch “60 minutes.”
if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
she studied for a blood test – and failed.
she thought she needed proper change to get on the “Soul Train.”
she sold her car for gas money.
when she saw the “NC-17, under 17 not admitted”, she went home and got 16 friends.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
I said it was chilly outside and she went to get a bowl.
she crashed (her car) into a parked car.
she told everyone she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.
she puts lipstick on her head to make up her mind.
she bought a solor-powered flashlight.
she took a cup when she went to see Juice.
she asked me wha number for 911 was.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
when she read on her job application “DO NOT WRITE BELOW THE DOTTED LINE,” she wrote, “O.K.”
she stole free bread.
she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
she called Dan Quayle for a spell check (?)
she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
she makes Beavis and Butthead look like Nobel Prize winners.
when asked on an application, “Sex?” she marked, “M, F, and sometimes wednesday, too.”
when you stand next to her, you can hear the ocean.
she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hambuger at McDonald’s.
she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
she bought a videocamera to record cable TV shows at home.
she jumped out of a window and went up.
she took an umbrella to see “Purple Rain”
she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
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Must help the wife
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”
What does Ireland have more than any other country?
What does Ireland have more than any other country?
Irish people
Redneck Hotel
You know you’re in a redneck hotel when you phone the front office and say, “I’ve got a leak in the sink.”
And they say, “Go ahead!”
Bless This Computer
Dear Lord,Every single evening As I’m lying here in bed
This tiny little prayer Keeps running through my head.
God bless my mom and dad, And other family.
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they’re so close to me.
And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do.
Hope you don’t mind me asking,
Bless my computer too.
Now I know that it’s not normal
To bless a mother board,
But listen just a second
While I explain to you ‘My Lord’.
You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my FRIENDS.
I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they work or live.
By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.
Please, take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless those in my address book
That’s filled with so much love!
Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each email inbox
And the person who hits “send”.
When you update your heavenly list
On your own CD-Rom
Remember each who’ve said this prayer
Sent up to God.com.
Amen.