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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Yo Momma got

Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.

Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.

Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Yo momma got a’ afro, wit’ a chin strap!

Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.

Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

Zadnji dodani

Yo momma is so stupiud

Yo momma is so stupiud, she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo mamma is so stupid she thought taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M;’s in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911”.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?

“, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi!

Hitler”.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus .

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper.

Yo momma so stupid She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said “Disneyworld Left” so she went home.

Fairy tales

“Mommy,” Little Johnny asked, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?”
“No, dear,” she replied. “Sometimes they start with ‘Darling, I’ll be working late at the office tonight…’ “

The Wet and the Blonde

Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?

The sign said ”Wet Floor.”

Gone Fishing

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn’t had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favorite flies out of their box.

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God, “Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson.”

God replied “I did. Who do you think he’s going to tell?”

What Gender is Your Computer

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil, ‘ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, ‘What gender is a computer?’
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was made up of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.