Mother Nature
Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life….. as a matter of fact, you won’t have any butter for anything the rest of your life!” THEN POOF!….she was gone.
After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. “Fred, where are you?”
Fred yells back, “I’m over here, in the Pussywillows.”
Harry yells back……”DON’T SWING FRED!!!” “For God sake, DON’T SWING!!”
Tee Shot
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man, ” said his partner, “you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”
Hack Golfer
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”
The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”
Ford Cars vs Golf Balls
What’s the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Golf Ball Hunt
One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter Jim?”
Jim shouts back, “Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”
