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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Golf Love Poem

I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;

A tree o’er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;

A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.

Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

Latest Golf Jokes

Ford Cars vs Golf Balls

What’s the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Wide Stance

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.

“What happened?” asked the doctor.

“I got stung between the first and second hole,” replied the lady golfer.

The doctor replied, “You must have an awfully wide stance!”

First-Time Golfer

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

“Now what?” the fellow asked the speechless pro.

“Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup, ” the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

“Oh great! NOW you tell me.” said the beginner.

Four Dads Playing Golf

Four dads were having a game of golf with their sons. While the sons were ahead on the next hole, the dads started to talk about how well their sons were doing.

The first dad said, “My son is doing great in the garage building business. He’s doing so well that he gave a friend a new garage!”

The second dad said, “That’s nothing. My son has his own car business. And he’s done so well that he gave a new car to one of his friends.”

The third dad said, “My son has topped both of yours. My son has self-owned housing business. He has done so well in the past year that he had enough to give a house to a friend.”

The fourth dad didn’t say anything. One of the other three asked him, How is your son doing?” The fourth dad said, “Well, I still don’t like how my son is gay and has no work. But he is doing quite well. He’s received a new house, a new garage, and a new car.”

10 Minutes Late

So, there are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a fourth.

Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.

“Sure, I’d love to play,” says George, “but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00 and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all.

Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play again the following Saturday.

“Yeah, sounds great,” says George. “But I maybe about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but this time George plays left-handed and beats them all. As they’re getting ready to leave, George says, “See you next Saturday, but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

Every week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to use. And every week, he departs with the same message.

After a couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he says, “Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten minutes late, but you’re right on time. You beat us either left-handed or right-handed. What’s the story?”

“Well,” George says, “I’m kind of superstitious. When I get up in the morning, I look at my wife. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed.”

“So what do you do if she’s sleeping on her back?” Bob asks.

“Well… That’s when I’m about ten minutes late.”