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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Golf Love Poem

I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;

A tree o’er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;

A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.

Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

Latest Golf Jokes

Mother Nature

Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life….. as a matter of fact, you won’t have any butter for anything the rest of your life!” THEN POOF!….she was gone.

After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. “Fred, where are you?”

Fred yells back, “I’m over here, in the Pussywillows.”

Harry yells back……”DON’T SWING FRED!!!” “For God sake, DON’T SWING!!”

Golf Love Poem

I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;

A tree o’er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;

A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.

Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

Wide Stance

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.

“What happened?” asked the doctor.

“I got stung between the first and second hole,” replied the lady golfer.

The doctor replied, “You must have an awfully wide stance!”

Golfing with GOD

One day Jesus and Moses were on the golf course and decide to have a contest over who can make the most outstanding shot.

So, Moses goes first. He settles up for the shot and hammers it straight for the green. Unfortunately, the ball falls into a water hazard. Undaunted, Moses raises his arms to the sky, and the water parts where the ball dropped in. The ball rolls out of the water and onto dry land, only a foot away from the hole.

Jesus looks at Moses and says, “Hey, Moses, that was a pretty good shot. Now let me see what I can do.”

So Jesus settles up for his shot and sends the ball screaming toward the green. Unfortunately, Jesus has the same luck as Moses did. The ball heads straight for the water hazard. Jesus holds out one hand and, instead of dropping into the water, the ball bounces on top of it and rolls onto dry land only three inches from the hole.

Moses says, “Wow, that was an incredible shot!”

No sooner has Moses said this, than the skies grow dark. The wind starts to pick up, lightning and thunder crackle through the sky. Suddenly, a ball falls from the heavens into the same water hazard where Jesus and Moses hit theirs. A fish swims up and swallows the ball. An eagle swoops down, grabs the fish in his talons, and heads for the now darkened sky. Lightning strikes the eagle, and he drops the fish onto the green. The fish opens his mouth, the ball rolls out, and drops into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, “Man! I hate it when your dad plays!”

Forgot Something

A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.

A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake and retrieved his clubs.

He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag — then threw the clubs back into the water.