Million Dollars

Million Dollars

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen. So he asked, “God, are you listening?”

And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”

The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?”

God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.”

So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder… Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”

And God replied, “My son, my son…a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.”

The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?”

And God replied, “In a second.”

Related Jokes

The Juggler

A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car, asks the police officer. I’m
a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act. Oh yeah? Let’s see you do it, says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his
wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'
'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'
'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.
Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'
'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

The Horse

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

The Helpful Wife

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What’s the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

The Farmer Joke

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife
fell out of the car several miles back?”

To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”