Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Related Jokes

The 12 marriages

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, “Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin.”

This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.

She responded:

My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, ‘It’s gonna be great!’

My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.

My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn’t get the system up.

My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn’t quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.

My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn’t sure whether it was his job.

My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.

My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, ‘I know I have the product. I’m just not sure how to position it.’

My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was — God I miss him!

So now I have married a lawyer, so I know I’m going to get screwed!

Texas Oil Man

“Harlen, I want you to buy me a divorce,” the big Texan boomed to his attorney. “That wife of mine ain’t behavin’ right. She’s MY woman and she’s supposed to do what I say.”
“Well, R.J., a wife isn’t exactly property, you know,” the lawyer said. “You don’t own her the way you own an oil well.”

“Maybe not,” R.J. conceded, “but I damn well oughta have exclusive drilling rights.”

Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud At Victoria's Secret

10 – Does this come in children’s sizes?
09 – No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
08 – I’ll be in the dressing room going blind.
07 – Mom will love this.
06 – Oh the size won’t matter. She’s inflatable.
05 – No need to wrap it up. I’ll eat it here.
04 – Will you model this for me???
03 – The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
02 – Forty Five bucks?? You’re just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!!

And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria’s Secret:

01 – Oh, honey, you’ll NEVER squeeze your ass into that!!

Teacher

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn’t do my homework.

Take Off My Clothes

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me never to wear her clothes again.