An old snake goes to see his Doctor
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days.” The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!
What do you give a 1000-pound gorilla for his birthday?
Q: What do you give a 1000-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
What was the average age of a cave man?
Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me,” he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. “I don’t know,” he says meekly, “but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast.”