The Lawyer’s Funeral
A man is at his laywer’s funeral and and is suprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?”
A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.”
“And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.”
“No, we came to make sure he was dead.”
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor.
“Sure, after the police leave,” replied the attorney.
The divorce judge asked little Johnny which parent he wanted to live with. Little Johnny replied, “Not my daddy, he beats me…Not my mommy, either; she beats me, too.” Little Johnny thought for a minute, then exclaimed, “I know! I want to live with the New Orleans Saints! They don’t beat anybody!”
Man walks into a lawyer’s office
A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates.
“Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer.
“Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man.
“Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”
The Teacher, the Thief & the Lawyer
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?” “Phew, that one’s easy,” says the teacher, “The Titanic.” “Alright,” said St.Peter, “you may pass.”
Then the thief got his question: “How many died on the Titanic?” The thief replied, “That’s a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people.” And so he passed through. Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: “Name them.”