I’m positive
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ’I think I’ve lost an electron.’
The other says ’Are you sure?’
The first says, ’Yes, I’m positive.’!
Can Electrons be broken
Professor Sokolsky was lecturing his Atomic physics class. He asked, “If molecules can be split into atoms and the atoms split into electrons, can the electrons be broken down any further?”
A pupil replied, “I’m not certain, but a sure way to find out would be to mail some of them in a Christmas package marked ‘fragile’.”
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Nerdz
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying “Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
“You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?”
“I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I’m hauling.”
“Okay, truck drivers are not nerds, ” he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
“Why did you do that?”
“Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.” The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
“What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season, ” says the truck driver.
“Well, sure, ” says the patrolman. “But you can’t bait ‘em.”
You Know You’re Addicted to the Net When
1) All of your friends have @ in their names
2) You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem
3) Your spouse makes a new rule… Computers don’t come to bed.
4) You laugh at people with 56K modems.
5) You start tilting your head to smile 🙂
6) Your phone bill comes to your house in a box
7) You find yourself typing com after every period
8) You start introducing your self as “Jon@internet.com”
Reason for dinosaurs got extinct
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.
If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.
This would explain the death of the dinosaurs…the tallest ones, anyway.
Three Engineers
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?”