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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Skeleton Joke

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

It’s ’cause he didn’t have the guts!

Latest Nerd Jokes

Reason for dinosaurs got extinct

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs…the tallest ones, anyway.

You Know You’re Addicted to the Net When

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

2) You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem

3) Your spouse makes a new rule… Computers don’t come to bed.

4) You laugh at people with 56K modems.

5) You start tilting your head to smile 🙂

6) Your phone bill comes to your house in a box

7) You find yourself typing com after every period

8) You start introducing your self as “Jon@internet.com”

How Many Ears

How many ears does Spock have?

Three: One on the right, one on the left, and the final “front ear.”

Superstition

An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office.

Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? he was asked,

he said, “Of course not!”

But then why do you keep it?

“Well,” he said, “it works whether you believe in it or not.”

The story is actually told about a non-economist, Danish Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr.

Nerdz

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying “Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
“You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?”
“I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I’m hauling.”
“Okay, truck drivers are not nerds, ” he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
“Why did you do that?”
“Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.” The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
“What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season, ” says the truck driver.
“Well, sure, ” says the patrolman. “But you can’t bait ‘em.”