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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Stats

– A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
– Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
– Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of falling pregnant
– Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
– All polar bears are left-handed
– If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was nicked by a Polar bear

Latest Nerd Jokes

Three Engineers

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?”

Astronaut

What was the astronaut doing on the computer?

Looking for the space bar.

You are an Engineer

If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

If your family sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car

Stats

– A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
– Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
– Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of falling pregnant
– Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
– All polar bears are left-handed
– If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was nicked by a Polar bear

Computer Nerd

You know you’re a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!